Deadline for my memories

The Homme Song Story

Chapter 1 - Online

Jason wrote to Kerry from a personal ad she posted online.

It's been years since Kerry got into any serious relationship. Although she felt lonely at times, she had been kept busy the past year with moving out, adopting a cat, getting to know him and taking care of him, then finally finding a permanent place of her own and setting up home, and getting a new job. There was barely time for feeling lonely, anyway. Until somewhere in summer of '07, she decided she was ready for a relationship, and she posted the ad.

This was not new to her. However, the ad was unlike any other. Instead of selling herself, she decided for once, "Hey, why not tell everyone how bad I was, and then if they are still interested, leave them to find out the good?" It worked. Streams of responses came in the moment it went up. Perhaps it was the attention grabbing headline. Perhaps it was just the sexy pictures. Nevertheless, that single email from Jason changed her life, forever. It was just a simple and short note with his IM contact details. So she added him and soon after they were happily chatting online and getting to know each other. They exchanged numbers.

One uneventful Friday evening, Jason texted her asking where she was. Whether she's keen to meet up. She was at the Padang with some friends watching an Arts Fest event, but otherwise she's got pretty much nothing on after ten. And so they met at a cafe near where Jason lives, east side of town.

The only photograph of Jason she'd seen was the one on his online profile. The one in which he was smiling ever so beautifully, sunshine and all. Jason said he was waiting for her near the cash dispenser beside the convenience store. She trotted over and sure enough there he was, in tee and bermudas. It was one of those camouflage army style berms fad that never seemed to die off. Anyway, he greeted her with the same sunshine smile and they proceeded to look for an empty table. The usual slight awkwardness for a first time meeting, and Kerry proceeded to get her supper of glutinous rice balls. She didn't exactly get what she wanted, but she settled for the red bean ones although she really fancied the black sesame ones. Jason got himself the famous (or was it infamous) noodles and also some BBQ chicken wings. He offered to share the wings but Kerry really couldn't quite fit that in anymore and politely declined. And so, Jason being quite the eloquent one as Kerry discovered, went on sharing about his life in the army and his past accomplishments and then the work he had been doing these past years after getting out of the army. Kerry wasn't the least bored, even though she was already rather tired then. She found him quite amusing and interesting actually. She shared about her moving out and some recent happenings, including the no-gooder jealous crazy date she just about dumped.

It was getting pretty late. Jason then invited Kerry to his condominium, some 15-minute walk away. As they walked, they continued talking and sometimes even teasing each other. Kerry noticed Jason was quite the shorter, and in fact had quite a bit of weight around the waist and hips. He must be a size 32 or 31 at best. That didn't quite fit her ideal of a sunny speedo boy kinda bod in a lover, but she still thought Jason looked good on the whole. Soon they were at the back gate of the condo, and she noted that the whole place looked rather new. Indeed, it was just completed a year or two back.

He lived on the sixth storey, in a unit with a view of the reservoir. It was rather dark at night so there wasn't much to be seen. He got them drinks and sat down on the dark brown leather sofa and turned on the telly. She noted the simple and sort of Zen feel to the whole place. The Zen part probably due to the numerous Buddhist embellishments in the apartment, namely the Buddhist statuette and embroidery of Guan Yin. As they continued talking, about nothing that Kerry could particularly remember, they got into the mood and started touching. Jason then led her to the bedroom where they had some in the shower. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary but there was something which Kerry felt rather disturbing during the act.

Jason actually said 'Tell me that you like me...' in the midst of sex. As he said it, there was this earnest expression on his face, though he appeared to be slightly dazed. 'You can do anything you want to me.' This was nothing Kerry had encountered before. Perhaps the former was a manifestation of low self-esteem. Perhaps the latter was an act of total devotion and trust. Perhaps he was just weird. Kerry knew not what to think at that point. She was stunned for a second or two. Anyway, she quickly composed herself and smiled at him 'Yeah I like you alright.' And they made passionate love. She did like him.

After they were done, they made some more small talk while lying in bed. Jason got her a tee and shorts - guess he wanted her to stay the night. He recommended her to watch House Season 1 and went into his study to play his MMORPG DOTA. Now this is in itself a virtual world of connected real-life gamers who spend copious amount of time in online gaming. They are in a whole different league altogether and many lead two lives - one in the real and one in the world of DOTA. This is escapism and addiction to the prime - not necessarily a bad thing. Everyone needs a break sometime. It's only whether it gets out of hand. Kerry could well understand this, having been one of them PC gaming and Playstation addicts before. Many times to the point of missing meals or even rejecting social invitations.

And so she kept herself entertained with Dr Gregory House. House was a rather bitchy doctor with sardonic wit, but no less smart and really good at what he does, often without regards to house rules (to make a pun) of the hospital he works for. After a few episodes of getting to know the characters, Jason came over to check on her and both decided it was time to retire to bed. As Kerry snuggled up to Jason in the bed she just made the acquaintance of, she felt the warmth and love of Jason's gentle embrace and drifted off to slumber.

Kerry awoke the next morning, quite freshened despite the late night before. As Jason gave her a good morning kiss, he suggested going to the cafe near the mall close to the beach. And so they washed up and headed out by bus. Jason shared that he used to drive a Toyota but had since sold it due to his financial situation. He's now without stable income and was actively in search of a job actually. After about half an hour, they arrived at the cafe, had dim sum as brunch and parted ways after checking out the mall briefly.

On the way home, which was just a short 10-minute bus ride from the mall, Kerry thought about the night before. Maybe Jason really had self-esteem issues given his negative self-image (he kept saying he was fat), loss of a car (one of man's many best friends) and his lack of a stable income. Maybe he was really in need of love and attention, given that his dad left the family when he was in his teens. She wondered then about how he could afford that new three-bedroom apartment. Maybe he had lots of savings from the twelve years he was in the army. Maybe he had a huge payout upon leaving. Maybe he had a rich family. Maybe. Just maybe. Kerry was obsessive-compulsive again. She thought just way too much for her own good.

The next few subsequent meetings were fine. Though every time it seemed to be at Jason's apartment. It appeared that Jason was very much a homebody and rarely got around much. Most of the time he just stayed home with DOTA. His only social activities included probably the occasional session of mahjong with his ex and their friends, and when his mum comes by Sunday mornings. He mentioned to Kerry that since his months-long indoor confinement after he broke his leg and the sale of the car, he wasn't partcularly motivated to head out. That probably explained why he wasn't quite exactly in tune with new places and nooks and crannies of the city. This was strange, considering he actually checked 'outgoing' as one of his attributes in his online profile. Maybe he was outgoing but didn't get out much. Gee, that sounded like an oxymoron to Kerry. In any case, Kerry knew him better now.

Chapter 2 - Games

One night at Jason's place, just like any other, he was playing DOTA and she was watching the telly. Suddenly a sense of overwhelming loneliness overpowered her. How could she feel so lonely with her lover in the same house? She called her buddy Davina to talked about it.

Davina asked her, 'Why did you even put up with it? Who would leave his lover alone on a date? This is just so ridiculous.'

But Kerry defended Jason, 'No, he does come and check on me from time to time! In any case, he said DOTA is one of the very few things that he really enjoys doing... so...'

Davina insisted, 'Kerry, this ain't right. Are you sure you can deal with it?'

Kerry thought about this for a moment after they hung up. Could she? Would she?

The next time he asked her over, Kerry decided for once, she's not going to stay over. It just didn't make any sense - she could jolly well entertain herself at her own home, why did she have to do it at Jason's with him indulging in DOTA? Maybe, it's the short moments of contact? Sharing the bed with him? Is that romance? Is that love? Is that enough? She had to find out.

Jason opened the door, and a look of surprise overcame his face. It wasn't the usual sunshine smile, but an awkward one.

He asked, 'Hey, you don't have your overnight bag with ya?'

Kerry smiled, 'Yeah, I'm not staying the night.'

'Why not?' quizzed Jason.

'Just feelin' a li'l tired.' Kerry said.

Anyhow, Kerry put out the usual takeaway dinner and Jason quickly finished his DOTA session and joined her. Kerry always brought dinner whenever she drops by on a working week day and never failed to ask Jason if there was anything else he wanted. Many a time Jason would ask for Lay's potato chips to satisfy that craving.

'So how was your day?' Jason spoke as he started on the food.

They went on to make small talk and this time it almost felt like for once Jason was one hundred percent present where before it always seemed like some part of him was elsewhere. Having finished dinner, they turned on the telly and continued chatting. Both of them shared stories about their lives, this time closer to heart. Jason talked about how his father left them when he was only 14 and how his mother was a sharp businesswoman type. He had no siblings and was the only child. Kerry spoke about her quarrels with her mum and how the soured relationship between them led to her eventual departure from the family home to eke it out on her own. They spoke about a lot of other things but Kerry was surprised Jason didn't go DOTA once. In any case they only had a couple of hours before she had to go. She was sure Jason went on to DOTA right after she left but at least for the time she was there she got all of him and his time - for once. She was pleasantly surprised when the next morning, Jason texted her.

'You were so sweet to me last night, thanks.' Jason's text said.

'Huh? What did I do?' Kerry responded.

'Well, just by spending time with me. :)' Jason's reply came.

Kerry thought it funny, as Jason so totally took all the words that should be coming from her and made it his. Well at least she knew then that Jason was the type of person who wouldn't quite appreciate what they have until it was taken away from them by force. This is human nature after all. The next few meetings were the usual - packed dinner, short chats over dinner, DVD for Kerry and DOTA for Jason, Jason checks on her time to time, brief sentences and back to DOTA. Kerry goes to bed followed by Jason once he's done with DOTA for the night. They made love maybe once every week on average, though they met quite frequently as often as three to four times a week. On weekends they would wake up late and Jason often would prepare breakfast, or rather brunch. He would go back to his DOTA or sometimes they would head out to the mall nearby to catch a movie. There was once when Kerry wanted to watch this horror flick and Jason agreed. But at the theatre he saw this action flick showing and he ever-so-childishly told her he really preferred this over the horror flick and Kerry gave in, as always. To her it was just a movie, she could always catch it some other time. She sort of agreed too when Jason said that it was more worthwhile to catch action blockbusters on the big screen with all the special effects and sound system and such. It seemed the more rational choice then, and Kerry knew more then about how Jason ticks. He really has a way with people. This wasn't exactly a negative thing, nor was it really positive. He was either a selfish and manipulative person or a real 'people person'. Finally the term 'people person' took on a new meaning for her.

Chapter 3 - I Know What You Did Last Summer (and Winter)

One day, Beth called Kerry to catch up. Beth was a friend whom she knew for a little over a year at a birthday party of a mutual friend, where Kerry went in drag as k. d. lang and made the acquaintances of a few good friends, Beth being one of them. Kerry briefly mentioned about Jason whom she was dating at the moment.

'Wait a minute. This Jason that you're seeing, you said he lives at the Blanc Waters condo? Near the Blanco reservoir?' Beth asked.

'Yeah, why?' Kerry said.

'Well, I think I know who he is. I've been there. Does he live on the sixth?' Beth said, in a slightly excited tone.

'Yeah.' Kerry started to wonder what Beth's getting on to. 'Don't tell me...'

'Ah huh. There was this once, sometime last year. Did he just moved not long ago? Well, we met at this cafe nearby and he sort of asked me back to his place. And...' Beth was interrupted.

'Wait. Did you guys...??' the adrenaline started to run in Kerry.

'Well yeah. You see,' Beth sighed. 'he asked me over and he was quite pushy, you know, he wanted it the moment the door was closed. But I didn't feel like it then. So I resisted. And guess what? He actually just left me alone and went to play his online game!'

By now Kerry was almost certain they were talking about the same guy.

'DOTA?'

'Yeah, I think that was it. That is no way to treat your date!'

'And then? What happened?'

'Well, he continued to make advances at me time to time. I didn't want it. So everytime he didn't get what he wanted he went back to his game. And then we eventually went to bed and the next morning he was at it again. By then I felt sort of horny anyway and gave in. Anyway, the sex wasn't fantastic.'

'Oh.'

Kerry didn't know what to think or feel. She was silent for a moment.

'Hey, you don't think... how long did you know him anyway?' Beth quipped.

'Well just a couple of weeks...' Kerry sounded sort of tired.

'Dear, don't bother. He's an asshole. Do you know that I blocked him out online after that? You know, after that night, a few weeks later, he asked if I was looking for him online. I wasn't. He wanted to know if I was trying to contact him. Why would I? It was just a fling. If he was ever interested in me genuinely, and not just for sex, he would have tried to get in touch soon after. Not a few weeks later!'

'But...'

'Hold on, and not only that, apparently, Tania also had a brush with him. This I only found out later when I was bitching to her about it.'

'Oh god. This is such a small world!' Kerry was feeling queasy now.

'Tell me about it. Anyway Tania had a way worse off thingy with him. Apparently she said he sort of stalked her.'

'Huh? What?'

'Why don't you asked Tania herself. Hear it from the horse's mouth.'

'Ok.'

'Don't think about it too much, dear. He's not worth it. What are you doing anyway at his place when he's not even spending time with you? What are you thinking??'

'I...'

'Anyway I gotta go. We'll catchup soon. Take care dearie.'

'Ok, thanks for telling me this. Really.'

'See ya.'

'Ciao.'

Kerry was astounded. This can't be true. Stuff like these only happens in the movies. Not here. Not to her! She went through what Beth had just said. She thought of what Davina told her earlier. She wondered what had happened between Jason and Tania. She...

The emotions that were welling up was a weird one. A mixture of disbelief, uncertainty, realisation, self-doubt and anger. She texted Tania about it and didn't get an immediate response. Left with no choice, she was up in arms with those emotions right until she drifted off to sleep. The next morning, Tania's text came in.

'Oh god. That creep. Avoid him at all costs! He's one of the most creepy people I've ever met. Trust me on that one. Don't fall for it!' Tania's text read.

Kerry thought that was pretty OTT. 'What happened exactly?' she replied.

Tania didn't give a very detailed answer. But Kerry got to find out the next time the few of them, including Beth, caught up over dinner. Apparently, Tania had only met Jason twice. They got introduced through Tania's ex, Laurie. Jason still had a car then. He would pick Tania up from work for dinner. After meeting up twice, he had to go Bangkok for a business trip. It happened around the time of the coup last summer. Tania actually thought of texting him to ask how he was doing, but decided against it as it would seem ludicrous when they had only met twice. Little did she expect what was to come. Soon after Jason got home, safe and sound, apparently, he started getting 'nasty', to quote from Tania's choice of words.

'He actually sent me a text asking why I never asked how he was!' Tania claimed with a look of disbelief.

'He said he could be in grave danger! My god, GRAVE danger. It was just a bloody coup. Like it's something new! What GRAVE danger could he be in? Excuse me, we'd only met twice for god's sake!' she started getting rather agitated.

'Kerry, this guy's a real creep. Creepy to the core. Do you know even after that, not getting a reply from me, he went on to write, like, a super long email, ranting and raving about it like a madman?'

'He said stuff like, oh, you're such a bad-ass chick, you're so insensitive, bla bla bla... hope you find a guy more bad-ass than yourself and then you'd know how it feels to be treated that way. Good luck to your search, bla bla bla.' Tania wailed with that same ludicrous look on her face. 'It's simply ridiculous, this guy!'

Kerry had a look someone would have when she finds out she's just been sentenced to the gallows. She was deathly pale.

'Are you okay?' Beth was concerned.

'Oh... no. I mean, yes, I'm alright.' Kerry looked like she's just returned to Earth from a trip round the solar system.

'Kerry, I know you'd probably feel like shit hearing all these. But I, and I believe Tania too, just really really had to let you know.' Beth said. 'We can't just keep you in the dark, especially after hearing about what is happening between you guys, I mean, before you get in too deep, we'd better do something.'

'I know. I really appreciate all this and yeah, thanks. Really.' Kerry sighed.

'Good to hear that. I mean, look, we don't want to rock the boat for you guys and stuff. But we really have to let you know. Can't sleep with a clear conscience otherwise, ya know. It's up to you then how you want to deal with it.' Tania added.

Kerry's thoughts started to drift as the rest went on about other things. What is she to think? Is Jason really the jerk they say he was? She's fine with the fact that he's slept with her good friend. She's ok that he went all scary and loony over another of hers. She thought, 'Well, people treat different people differently, don't they? He could be different with me. I mean, so far, he's been nice...'

He's always been emphasizing the fact that he's a simple man, wanting to lead a simple life, growing old together with the love of his life.

And she hung on to that belief herself for the longest time. The one time she questioned him, 'Who might that be? That one that you'd like to grow old with? I wonder...'

'Isn't it you?' Jason wrote in the chat window.

'Oh, sorry, had to be sure... :P' Kerry replied.

'Please don't play mind games with me.' Jason was apparently rather pissed. 'Some things one doesn't have to ask twice. Once is enough. I'm tired already.'

Kerry wondered in mock disbelief, "Since when did gamers grow tired of games?" as she took mental note that Jason was a rather sensitive guy.

Chapter 4 - Attached

One day, over dinner, Jason started. 'Hey dear, do you know that Tricia told me the other day, over mahjong, that she was really happy for me? Happy that I've found my own partner, that I am finally attached? My dear wifey, I'm really happy.' He had a bright smile on his face. Tricia was his ex-girlfriend.

Kerry always thought it rather weird how someone could start using terms of endearment like 'dear' from the second or third date and even 'wifey' only weeks after knowing each other.

'Are we attached?' Kerry asked with a discerning blank look.

'Well, to me, when I call someone "dear" or introduces her as my girlfriend it is when we're dating. And "wifey" would mean we are attached.' Jason stated matter-of-factly.

Kerry admittedly also used the word "dear" to address Jason soon after he started using it. But "hubby" still felt sort of weird to her, at least at this stage.

'Ehh... ok, it seems like we have the same idealogy, ha ha! But well, I wouldn't exactly say we are "attached" at this moment, I mean, hey, we've only known each other for like, what, a month plus? It's sort of fast...' Kerry tried to explain herself as clearly as she could.

Jason was listening intently.

'Well, let's give us more time yeah? Trust me, I've got something planned. When the time comes, I'll let you know. Say, maybe make yourself free the third weekend of August or something. By then it would have been three months since we first met.' Kerry said.

'Oh ok... I can't promise, dear, 'cause I may have something going on at the Cambodia side, ya know, and may not be in town or something.' Jason took a step back.

'Ok, sure, just let me know then. I'll check back with you nearer the date.' Kerry was going over her plans. In fact, she intended to take Jason to an island resort with posh Indonesian, Balinese to be exact, art decor and propose to him on knees with ring.

She still remembered fondly how one ordinary evening, Jason commented with a blissful look, 'Dear, you're so nice to me. Amongst all my ex-partners, you treat me the best!'

Chapter 5 - Friends

Kerry had previously met Tricia and her new beau as well as another straight girl friend of Jason's when they came by to play mahjong. As Kerry was very much a beginner and declined to play when asked, knowing it would only slow them down at best and piss them off at worst, she did not really interact with them much. This was after Jason asked Kerry's friends over for some mahjong a week or two before. Kerry still remembered fondly how amused she was when Jason was all over the place making sure the apartment is clean and presentable, and how he was sitting in the living room watching the telly when she came back from picking them up. He would usually be in his study playing DOTA whenever she popped by. Jason was every bit the perfect host when her friends came over. He would make light-hearted small talk and made sure everyone was comfortable. However, just after one round of mahjong, he said he was going back to his DOTA, and subsequently to bed, without even bading Kerry's friends good night. At least Kerry missed that even if he did. Anyway, her friends left around three in the morning and she joined Jason in bed after. They left a packet of Terra blue chips unopened, Kerry knowing that he was into chips.

Weeks later, Kerry had a dinner invitation from Beth and gang. She asked Jason to join them and they agreed. Beth was fine about seeing him again. She thought he probably wouldn't remember her anyway. That day, most of them were late. Present were Clarissa, Kiera and Michael. When Beth finally came by with her beau Kyle, everyone was already seated comfortably and had actually started eating. Kerry glanced at Jason and noticed he had a look of surprise when he saw Beth and even winked at her. Kiera saw that too. Beth did not notice, and pretended not to remember him at all throughout the whole night, as agreed with Kerry prior. A nice dinner, followed by laughter and games at Beth mommy's cafe, the gang adjourned to Kerry's quaint little apartment near the East Coast. On the way, in Michael's car, and even back at the cafe, Jason had his arms behind Kerry, cradling her ever so softly. Kerry thought that was really sweet. This was the first time Jason's been to Kerry's place. Kiera often found it absurd how after dating for months and Kerry's been always going over to Jason's, he never once wanted to come over. Was he simply too lazy or simply not interested at all to share her life?

Kerry poured everyone drinks and everyone huddled around watching The 50-year-old Virgin that Beth brought along on DVD. Jason was rather bored by the show and retired to bed less than quarter of an hour into the show. Everyone looked at each other and wondered what was going on.

Clarissa commented, 'Hiya, maybe he's really tired? Give him a break... he might have been overpowered by the heavenly "aura" of the sisterhood!'

And to that, everyone bursted out laughing. After the movie was finished, Kerry sent everyone out and was surprised Jason came out of the bedroom into the living room, quite awake, when she stepped back into the house.

'Eh, I thought you were asleep? Did I wake you?' Kerry asked.

'No no... I don't know why, I just couldn't get to sleep.' Jason said, despite yawning away.

'Well, that is understandable. Perhaps it's a new place?' Kerry said. 'Why don't I play you some piano?'

'Okie!' Jason remarked, appearing excited.

Kerry played some Debussy and Beethoven. Jason commented it was nice. But he still couldn't get to sleep. He said maybe the place was too quiet. Indeed, the quietness of Kerry's place was a stark contrast to the traffic noise from the main road across Jason's. They lay in the bed chatting, Jason trying to get to sleep while Kerry tried not to drift off to sleep. They touched and caressed each other, building up into another session of passionate love making. Jason then asked if Kerry would be angry if he left for home? Kerry was obviously rather affected but she said it was fine if he really had to get home to get some sleep. There was nothing she could do really. Jason then asked if she had any DVD to watch. Kerry showed him her collecton and he picked Aeon Flux. Leaving him with some Kieldson's butter cookies, she felt tired and went to bed after a while.

The next morning, Jason was already up and about getting dressed when Kerry woke up. She wondered why Jason was in all that hurry to leave. Dismissing the thought, she sent Jason off at the bus stop. Jason told her he did not even finish the movie. Halfway through he fell asleep on the couch. Well at least he managed to catch some sleep. Since that day Jason never once stepped into Kerry's apartment again, even though she continued to pop by his place, buying him dinner and spending the night and some weekends as usual.

Chapter 6 - Trust

There was once when Kerry was just done showering and getting rid of the plastic wrap of the newly bought hair wax, while opening up the lid of the trash bin, she came upon a condom wrapper. It was blue in color. She recalled quite certainly the one used the very last time was red. An unknown sense of anger and anguish came over her in that instant. She couldn't believe Jason's been sleeping around, when she could still vividly recall him saying a few times, 'I don't do one night stands!' Case in point, when he used that exact same line on Beth, she went 'Yeah right.' So into the living room she stomped, where he was watching the telly.

'Wassup? What happened?' Jason quizzed with concern upon seeing her expression.

'Why is there a blue condom wrapper in the bin? I thought the last one we used was red?' Kerry exclaimed, with a certain weakness in her voice.

Jason said nothing in that instant. Instead, his mouth drooped and his eyes started to water. There was a look of utter disappointment on his face. Kerry couldn't bear the sight of that and guilt gripped her at that very moment. She went over to Jason and caressed his hair gently, locking him into a firm embrace.

'Shhh....shh.... don't cry.' she whispered softly.

'Why do you say such things? How can you accuse me of that? How could you...' Jason spoke weakly in a hoarse and cracked voice.

'I'm sorry dear... I really... couldn't remember.' Kerry was still fraught with distrust.

'The red one was the last one we used, yes. But the blue one was the one before that - which I forgot to clear from the trash. I threw the red one down the chute in the back.' Jason was starting to regain his composure.

'Ok, ok... I'm really sorry. You know my problem with trust.' Kerry sighed, almost convinced that was indeed the case. She couldn't quite remember if the blue one was the one before the last time, but she was pretty sure they had mostly used the blue ones anyway.

She left it at that. And dragged Jason to the dining table, where the dishes he prepared was starting to turn cold. They sat down and tucked in. Jason started to make small talk and everything appeared to be fine once again.

Chapter 7 - Dollars And Sense

'Huh?! Are you serious? You can't be serious? Only after three months?!' Davina was puffing in disbelief when Kerry shared with her her plans to propose to Jason just the other day.

'Well why not? The feeling is right. I just want to make it a special moment to remember for the rest of our lives.' Kerry truly believed that.

'Ok, that's all fine. I guess you can still afford that bit of indulgence. But seriously, is that the message you want to send across? Do you see yourself sticking with him for the long term? You know, after all the DOTA thingy, leaving you alone, Beth and Tania, and the sex thing... are you sure he's the right one, still?' Davina was visibly worried.

'Well, I...' Kerry paused for a moment. 'I've long come to terms with all that. You know I have. What is love without sacrifices and compromise? Right?'

'Yeah, but... well ok if that's how you want it.' Davina smiled with a concerned look on her face. 'You know I'll be behind you all the way. But just be careful. And try to see with your eyes open. Please.'

Kerry thought she knew what Davina meant. And then of course, about Cambodia and the sex thing. Jason had this ongoing working relationship with his boss, Tom, for a number of years now. He knew him from the Buddhist temple. Tom was how he got into business consultancy. He was working with him on a few projects in China, which generated some good income and exposure to the Chinese business environment having had to be relocated there a couple of times for months on end. It was a good learning experience. It was just that the few recent projects did not really work out, and it did not helped either that Jason was near the end of his budget cycle. That meant he had to seriously look for alternatives, in order to keep the apartment, which he is still liable for servicing the mortgage of. His mum did help out. In fact she helped pay the downpayment for the place. But Kerry still found it quite strange how Jason always made it sound like he wasn't the person who decided on this place nor being in control of whether or when to sell it since his mother has a share in it, when his name was listed as the sole owner of the place. In any case, what Jason explained to her later made sense. Since he left the stable army job, his mum had hitherto been nagging him about it. Kerry guessed that with his lack of a solid and stable income, his mum, having thrown so much moola into the house, would have had to either sell off the place or rent it out to service the mortgage if he could not. Jason told her that himself. Kerry questioned the need for such a big place, considering he was only living alone. His rationale was that it would be easier to sell off in the future, considering families still form the bigger market segment of property buyers.

He also lamented, 'Wonder what I am going to do if that happens, you know, if mum decides to rent out the whole place.'

'Well, guess you'll have to move in with me then.' Kerry smirked. She did not mean it as a joke. She actually was open to the idea, and in fact, rather welcome about it. Jason smiled when he heard that. 'That's sweet of you.'

Anyway, the Cambodia thing came about because Tom's got some connections with the powers that may be at the helm of the government. And then, being the developing country that Cambodia is, a lot of businesses still get set up via the unorthodox route. That being said, a couple of opportunities came up and Tom will need Jason to go over with him in time when they come closer to fruition. And that looked just about the time of Kerry's proposal plans.

Which brings us to the sex thing. They had not had sex for weeks. Kerry found it rather worrying, given the passionate love making in the beginning. Maybe the honeymoon is over. Maybe Jason did not find her attractive anymore. Maybe Jason was really tired as what he said, despite his regular morning erections. And he said that his TCM doctor had advised against sex given his recent ongoing pain around the kidney area. This was indeed true to the teachings of TCM. So Kerry had accepted that. To her, she could do without the attention and the sex, as long as she was sure her man's heart was still with her. At least the kisses and hugs never stopped coming.

Chapter 8 - I Love You, You Pay My Rent

Kerry's long-time friend Etienne pinged her on IM one evening.

'Hey, dear, how have you been?' Etienne's words flashed on her screen.

'Good good. :)' Kerry wrote back.

'How's things with Jason?' came Etienne.

'Oh it's been going fine. Ya know, other than those little things I told you about, it's all fine.' Kerry typed.

'Well, it's like this. I've got a friend from school, from the uni, he is an expat. He's just got a job with UBS and he's gonna be doing hedge funds...' wrote Etienne.

'Wow! Big money... for a fresh grad somemore.' Kerry mused.

'Yeah, tell me about it. Well he's on the lookout for an apartment to rent actually.' Etienne came to the point. 'Wonder if you have any connections?'

It was one of those typical scenario where the character in a comic strip has the light bulb depicted shining above his head when a bright idea came to. Kerry almost giggled to herself picturing that in her mind as she spoke. She thought, since Jason's in need of funds, and they've been relatively happy together, maybe she could ask if he was open to the idea of her moving in with him and renting out her place, and sharing the proceeds. That would help. And she get to have some extra income as well. That's a solid win-win situation.

And so, she arranged for Rohit, Etienne's friend, to come view the place that weekend. He loved it, and they soon agreed on a decent price. She brought it up over IM with Jason the next day, and he said, 'Guess you'll have to be moving in with me then, eh? :)'

'Yeah, if there's any problem at all?' Kerry typed.

'Well I'd have to check with mum, you know, she's still got a share in this house. It's not going to be easy, so no promises, but I'll try.' Jason wrote.

In another conversation, Kerry asked Jason, 'Eh... what's going to happen to Cobra if I move over?' Cobra was her cat.

'Ehh.... dear, you know, I'm allergic to cats. I don't know...' Jason typed.

'Okay... I'll have to think of something then. :(' Kerry replied. She wondered how was it he wasn't allergic to dogs. He had a jack russell. Maybe they don't shed much. But isn't all fur alike? It sounded like a rather lame excuse to her.

And then a day or two later, Jason said during dinner, 'Hey dear, why not we try bringing Cobra over when you move in, and see how it goes?'

Kerry was pleasantly surprised and a sense of loving warmth overcame her. 'Sure, that sounds nice!' She smiled a most delightful smile.

'He doesn't scratch does he? Ha ha...' Jason laughed.

'Hmmm, I wouldn't bet on that. Maybe we could confine him to the backyard or something. We'll work something out.' Kerry said.

Kerry waited patiently for weeks, without once pushing Jason for an answer. She knew well the ball was in his court now, and it will take some hard work convincing the mother too. It was now going to be a mere three weeks from the agreed date of take over, and Jason hadn't given any indication. Jason asked for more time and Kerry made up an excuse that she was going to move in with her partner and his place wasn't quite ready as yet, and will need more time until end of the month before her place is ready to be rented out.

Then two weeks later, while watching the telly after dinner, Jason said, 'Dear, about the rental thingy, I checked with mum, but she's not very positive.'

'Okay.' Kerry wasn't exactly disappointed, as she more or less knew this was going to happen.

'I'm sorry dear, but I think it's not going to happen. I even got a lecture from mother. She was like, who is it? I haven't even met her? What are you thinking?...' Jason was rather animated as he explained.

'It's okay dear, really. It's okay. Don't worry about it.' Kerry said matter-of-factly.

'Are you angry with me?' Jason's mouth went into the familiar droop, along with sad puppy eyes. 'You know, I don't have total say in the house...'

'No it's okay. I'm not angry at all, really. I understand.' Kerry reassured him and stroked the nape of his neck gently.

'What are you going to tell Rohit then?' Jason asked.

'Well, I'll handle it. Don't worry about it.' Kerry said.

The next day, Kerry told Rohit that due to unforeseen delays in renovation works at her partner's place, she really wasn't in a position to rent her place out as she wouldn't know when his place would be ready. Rohit went 'Oh shit...' but otherwise took it rather well. Guess no damage was done, and there she was, back to square one.

Chapter 9 - Pulling Strings

Simon, the Operations Director at the telecommunications company Kerry was working with, briefly shared with her his need for an extra pair of hands while sharing a smoke break.

'You know, Kerry, my plate is so full right now. This rates thingy is really been my Archille's heel for the longest time.' Simon fumed.

'Why don't you get extra help?' Kerry suggested.

'Yeah, I've been speaking to Christian. It seems that he is pretty open to the idea. But rates alone ain't gonna cut it, ya know. Gotta find lots more stuff for him to do. We can't just get the guy in and have him sit around do nothing for days.' Simon lamented.

Kerry had an idea. The image of the lit bulb idea thingy came around again. She almost giggled when she took note of that.

'Well, I think I need extra help too. Say, why not we join hands and share this resource? It'd be easier for me to throw quite some stuff from my side, at least enough to keep him really busy other than your rates thingy, ya know.'

Simon lightened up, 'Hey ya know what, that's not a bad idea at all. Let me sound Christian out.'

And so Kerry and Simon worked on the job description of this new resource. He or she was to be parked under Kerry's care, as a Product Exec. As they send off the email to Christian, Kerry already had plans for Jason.

One night, while having dinner, Kerry brought up the idea of bringing her company's products to Cambodia, as from what Jason had shared with her previously, his counterparts over there seemed quite open to possibilities. And so Kerry shared with him some of the products and services, while he prepared some presentation materials to pitch to the folks when he goes over there with Tom on other projects.

The first night Jason was there in Cambodia, he texted Kerry to say how much he missed her. That was sweet. Kerry was missing him much too. In fact, since knowing Jason, he was almost always in her thoughts 24/7. That was how obsessive-compulsive Kerry was. Or she was indeed THAT much in love. The day Jason came back, he lamented to Kerry how tired he was, having to entertain with booze and women till late the previous night. Kerry then reminded him to get more rest and recharge. When the couple met again at his place the next night, after a mere four days of not seeing each other, an indescribable fire of passion overtook them and they made vigorous love in the showers. It seemed that the flame of passion had been rekindled in that one moment.

'Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so they say.' Kerry thought, 'Very true indeed.' as she smiled contentedly drifting off to sleep in his warm, familiar embrace.

A couple of weeks from the finalization of the job description, Christian finally okayed the idea after discussing with Kerry and Simon. His main concern was if there was really enough work to require the new headcount enough to keep him or her busy and both of them quite effortlessly justified that. The bulk of the work would be coming from Kerry, naturally, given that this person will report directly to her. Simon gave Kerry pretty much free play in candidate selection. She went through quite a few from the online job posting applications, but nothing really impressed her, except perhaps one or two that she and Simon felt was worthwhile to meet.

She sounded Jason out if he was open to the idea of working with her in the same company, in the same office, in the same department. And in fact, as her subordinate. Jason had been on the lookout for a job for months on end. And he reckoned it was an opportunity not to be missed, nevermind the relationship. In the end, it was about putting food on the table. And he was nearing the end of his budget cycle.

'Hey, why not?' he mused. 'At least we can see each other even more frequently. Let's be busy together!'

Kerry was still a little hesitant about this, 'Well, you know, I can be quite the bastard when it comes to work. I...'

'Nevermind, hey, at least I get to start somewhere. You know, I'm not getting anywhere at the moment.' he added.

'Ok.' Kerry smiled. 'Why not you take a look at the job posting online and apply from there. You know, so it doesn't arouse any suspicion from HR.'

'Sounds good!' Jason was delighted. 'Well you've seen my CV, you know I ain't a freshie ok! I've got skills and experience...'

'Yeah but... your experience isn't exactly related.' Kerry reminded him. 'Well no harm trying. We'll see how it goes. No promise though! I still have a few eligible candidates that we'd like to see.'

'Sure thing.' Jason smiled and winked.

Deep inside, Kerry actually already planned on roping him in. She might not even go through the motion of interviewing the others. She almost had full control of the engagement process, Christian being pretty much the macro-manager. In fact, sometimes too macro for her liking. Not that the other applicants were that fantastic anyway.

And so both Simon and her fixed an interview with Jason for next Monday once his application got through via HR. During the regular catchup with Davina, she made her point.

'Kerry! I hope you know what you're doing. You are obviously pulling strings here. Are you sure he's gonna be good? Is he up to it? Can he do it? Can YOU do it? As everyone else would tell you the same, it is NEVER advisable to work with your partner in the SAME company, not to mention in the SAME department. And to add insult to injury, he's gonna be working UNDER you! How'd ya think he'd take that?'

'Davina, I already told you he was okay with that. We talked about it.' Kerry was a little impatient already.

'So what? He'd say anything in order to land the job. LIKE he has any other choice. He's been on the lookout for months! To no avail!' Davina raised her voice slightly. 'What do you think is more important to him now? Bread or love?'

Kerry begged to differ. 'Well... I can handle it. I'm sure he can, too.' She actually wasn't that sure if Jason's going to be able to handle it. But she always gave the benefit of the doubt. 'Look at it this way, I need the help. He needs the job. It's a win-win situation.'

'Yeah, but are you willing to put your relationship to the test? Just for this?' Davina pleaded.

'What could happen? Worst comes to worst, someone leaves. I leave. Or what. Heck, this job isn't exactly taking me places ya know, anyway.' Kerry went on. Davina sighed.

'Dear, I only hope things work out for you guys. But I have to warn you there is definitely, surely, going to be conflicts and if it gets way too much to bear, then...'

'Ok ok... enough... I've heard enough. Let's be positive about it okay? You never know if it works until you try it.' Kerry was adamant.

'Ok, whatever you want sweetie. Don't say I never warned ya.' Davina shrugged and threw her hands up in the air. 'You know it ain't gonna be easy. Not easy at all.'

'Yeah, I know.'

Chapter 10 - Cambodia

And so a meeting was arranged between Tom and Christian, by way of Kerry, to talk about the Cambodia opportunity. Jason and Tom had managed to garner enough interest over at Cambodia to bring in the company's products. A joint venture would be set up and there would be powerful conglomerates backing the deal up financially. Talk about connections. Jason kept away from the meeting, even though Tom would really preferred to have him speak to Christian. The reason was obvious considering Jason's interest in applying for the opening in the company.

Kerry told Christian that Tom was someone she met at a relative's wedding dinner. (This was obviously a lie, but Kerry saw no other way to rope Tom in.) When they were introduced and started talking, they found out about what each other was doing and floated the idea of bringing the company's products to Cambodia, where projects which Tom was recently actively involved in were based. During the discussion, Tom came to the point about what he could do for the company, and his fees for the asking. Christian thought it was pretty hard to justify those fees, which were by no means small amounts. He had to consult the board before going ahead, especially when a joint venture (JV) would have to be set up to run the business taking care of the interests of both sides. A letter of intent was signed and forwarded to Tom's Cambodian counterpart. Tom would be representing Christian's company, with a share in the JV at the same time.

The interview with Jason went relatively well. Simon didn't suspect anything, though Kerry came clean with the fact that Jason was a friend of hers. Simon asked how close a friend he was. She said he was just a casual friend, and not a really close one. Kerry was happy to know that Simon was suitably impressed with Jason. His only concern, just like Christian's when the three of them had a discussion, was whether he would be able to accept starting from the ground up again despite his many years of experience, albeit not directly relevant to the position. HR made an offer to Jason and although it didn't quite meet his expectations, they promised him there would be an adjustment upon completion of the probation period. He accepted the offer and would be able to start the very next week.

And with that, Jason started work in a new environment, in unfamiliar territory, a totally new industry to him, with only Kerry's familiar face to turn to.

Chapter 11 - Work

The first day of work, Jason came in a new shirt but Kerry recognised that pair of pants. It was the same pair of size 28 pants from the other day that he boasted to her he could still fit into. It appeared to be quite too tight for him, intimately hugging his already sizeable ass. He was, in any case, a bit thick in the waist and hips. Nevertheless, Kerry liked the look of his bum, she thought that was rather sexy, well not yet to the point of indecency anyway. As she grinned about it, she wondered if he caught sight of it as he turned over to ask her about something. He sat diagonally across from her, with his back towards her. That meant she was in full view of whatever he does on his laptop. She tried hard not to look but sometimes she just couldn't help it. Partly to see if he was working, and partly to see what other stuff he's been up to, to understand him better.

As the days go by, Jason worked hard trying to cope with the change in lifestyle, being in a full-time 9 to 5 job after years of freedom working freelance. Notwithstanding the fact that he had to swallow his pride working under the direction of his partner. He probably didn't think too highly of Kerry, being the more streetwise and experienced one. Often he worried about crossing the line and stepping on others' toes and also putting his relationship with Kerry in jeopardy. He felt rather stifled. It didn't help that he had significantly less time for DOTA. He almost spent all his free time off work seeing to his DOTA addiction.

They met less and less over the weeks he started work at her company. Kerry more or less predicted this to happen, but thought as long as he is better off financially and still had breathing space and personal time, he would be fine. Jason was perceived as a pretty motivated chap by various colleagues he worked with, as Kerry found out when interacting with them. And Simon and Kerry talked a lot more about Jason than others considering Jason was in part taking directions from Simon too. Simon's only worry was that he would be burnt out sooner than expected, given the way he had been running around everywhere and speaking to almost everyone trying to understand their difficulties and somewhat losing focus. Kerry perfectly understood how that could be as Jason had told her before he was a born problem-solver. And he prides himself on being one really good at that in his past jobs. In any case, Kerry was prepared to step in and nudge Jason back into reality to focus on his piorities when need be.

Chapter 12 - War

Sure enough, problems started surfacing between them at work. After several rounds of negotiation, Tom wanted Christian to set aside a headcount to be his primary point of contact for the JV. Christian thought it simply absurd when the company has to be paying for this, notwithstanding the fact that everyone is currently stretched to the limit with the company running really tight on resources. Kerry wasn't sure if Jason was getting any out of this deal, as he had previously said Tom would take care of him for the help he has rendered him thus far and yet later said that Tom wasn't going to remunerate him on anything for this project. Jason did assure Kerry that Tom would take care of her for making the connection with Christian and whatever she has helped out on. 'Take care of' probably meant a token sum of appreciation.

While discussing some of the terms of the deal, Jason told Kerry that if it was his mum dealing with Christian, she would have given him a helluva good lecture. This was on the point of Christian being resistant to the perceivably exorbitant asking fees of Tom as a business consultancy.

'Look, you didn't have to bring your mother into the picture. We are talking business here.' Kerry said in the IM chat.

'Huh. I was just saying IF, and how my mother, who is no less an established businesswoman, would react upon hearing what Christian is counter offering.' Jason retorted, 'By basing the fees solely on profit sharing, it is as good as an insult to us business consultants!'

Kerry noted that Jason has started taking it personal, 'Well, to me, in the end it's all about dollars and sense (cents). I see no difference between consultants and salesmen.'

That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

'Huh???! Do you know what you are saying? You're saying all the years I spent working in China as a business consultant was just SALES work? You think I'm just a salesman??' Jason exclaimed, 'That is so very insulting! Business consultants are NOT sales persons. They are SO not the same!!!'

'Okay, my mistake. I'm not a trained business person to comment anyway. Sorry.' Kerry backed down, surprised at his outrage. Jason then went on for a bit more, before ending the conversation. The conversation actually took place while they were both at work, at their desks. Kerry noticed he collapsed back into his chair and removed his glasses, rubbing his eyes a little at some point into the argument. She didn't expect him to be so affected.

That day ended with him not talking to her any more and leaving the office without a single good bye, which was not like him. Kerry just thought Jason was simply over-reacting. She did apologise anyhow, what else did he want?

The subsequent days were pretty tensed. And that very weekend Jason had gone all quiet. Kerry thought he was still fuming and just left him alone. They did not meet nor talk. She didn't expect him to be so petty.

Little did she know then that Jason had quietly made a life changing decision when he rubbed his eyes the other day.

Jason continued to play it cool and never asked Kerry to go over anymore the next days. She asked to a few times but got turned down. Kerry couldn't take the cold war any longer and wrote him in IM one morning, 'So is it strictly a working relationship between us both now?'

'I'm sorry I can't help feeling stifled by you.' Jason wrote back. 'You attack everything I say, and I have to be on guard all the time, in the office, I don't want to have to do that even on weekends, now that I see you almost everyday.'

Kerry was astounded. She didn't know what to say.

'You know I tend to ramble sometimes, and a few times you told me off asking me to shut up and stop repeating myself.' Jason went on.

'Wait, when did I ever ask you to shut up? I merely reminded you not to repeat yourself. You know it gets rather tiring having to hear the same old story over and over again sometimes...' Kerry explained, a queasy feeling building up inside her.

'Well, I'm sorry but that's just how I am.' Jason wrote.

'So what now? Does that mean you're dumping me?' Kerry was slightly teary-eyed, feeling every bit the misunderstood lover.

'I know you care for me, and I really liked you. I'm ever the grateful for giving me this job, and the Cambodia opportunity, and I know it's being unfair to you about the sex thing and I'm sorry. It can't be helped. But you are forcing me into a corner where I couldn't breathe. Take for instance the rental thing, you were so cornering me. Do you know I had to endure weeks after weeks of endless nagging and reproach from mum?' Jason typed.

'I know, and I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I just thought... it was a win-win situation for both of us when the opportunity came along. I was totally alright with the fact that it didn't go through coz of your mum. You know that.' Kerry defended herself, 'In fact, remember that you even said you were happy that I was considering moving in with you? You said that showed I was really comfortable with you and happy to share your life...'

'Yeah but sorry I no longer feel comfortable with you, let's put it this way, if I have to be so guarded around you, I might as well be alone and play my online game. At least I have some space to myself on weekends after seeing you five days in a row in the office.' Jason tried to justify and stood by his decision. 'You know, I would break apart if I didn't have that space.'

A moment of silence.

'Can we start over again? As friends?' Kerry pleaded. She was almost the sad loser on her knees. Pride, if there was any left in her, was way insignificant and immeasurable. She thought, if she hadn't started this conversation, would Jason even have bothered to tell her about his decision to end it all just like that. He was selfish indeed. Very selfish.

'Sure, but if you want to meet or spend time together outside of office hours, I'm sorry but that's impossible.' Jason wrote.

Kerry was close to tears. 'How then do you presume we can do anything about this friendship?'

'Look, there, this question is cornering me.' Jason shot.

She felt really cornered and helpless, and wondered who was cornering who now.

'Okay, do you think then if I move on to another job, would it help things?' Kerry was fighting back her tears.

'See, you are cornering me again!' Jason snapped. 'No matter the answer I give, I'll always be the bad guy.'

Kerry perfectly understood what he meant. In any case, she already knew the answer. Jason was just simply refusing to compromise. Then again, what's new? He's always had his way. Everytime. Bar none.

She gave up trying then, and walked off to the washroom to regain her composure. Not a single tear dropped, he simply wasn't worth it, she thought. Could he have cut her off to prove that he didn't want to pull strings on the job? That he had real skills to contribute to his job without her having to make allowances and offer preferential treatment? Questions after questions were running through her already confused mind. She had to clear her mind to continue working. And it was so very difficult.

Davina, Beth, Etienne and Jermaine all cried foul when they came to hear of this.

'Don't bother with him. He's a waste of time.'

'Move on! He's not worth the pain.'

'Forget him!'

'You need to find distractions! Come hang out with us more.'

So they all said. And Jason has only this to say for himself, 'Well, for me, I'm going to concentrate on my work and play games in my free time. You can go out to meet new people and get to know them better. It would be selfish of me to stop you from doing that isn't it?'

Kerry thought that was a moot point, considering the fact that as far as she is concerned, it's over between them. Did he seriously think that they could start off over again as friends and that it would grow, if at all, without spending time together, in private, out of the office?

Perhaps he would be watching her. Watching how she treats him from then on. Watching if she would change, for the better, on his terms. Perhaps he just wanted to buy time, to take a breather, as he had put it ever so succinctly in that three actual words. 'Take a breather.' Words which really mean, in reality, 'It's over.'

Just as she started to come to terms with the fact that it's over, while on the way to the train station, they chanced upon each other. Jason had on his usual sunshine smile and asked, 'You angry? Don't be... okay? Let's take it slow...'

Kerry couldn't even managed a smile. He was giving her mixed signals. It was so condescending. She'd rather he didn't do that.

It would be interesting to note, that eventually Tom and Jason settled for the terms of profit sharing. 'Whatever happened to feeling insulted?' Kerry wondered, totally baffled.

Chapter 13 - Remnants

Days later, he wrote to her on IM, 'I know you're probably going to take it the wrong way, but I'm gonna trust you one more time and ask you to help push me for the point of contact for the JV.' He went on, 'The very least this would only be good for us, I get breathing space working over there. Besides, that should help up my salary significantly. Don't get me wrong, I still wanna continue to work on product development.'

Kerry apparently haven't gotten over Jason, 'Sure. I will be behind you in whatever you do, inside or outside of the office. You have my full support, and you can trust me 100% that I will be there to support you.' She actually believed that she would, despite the nagging voice in her head that yelled at her to wake up for once. She made a pact with herself to just trust him, apparently overcompensating for the fact that she knew she had a problem trusting people in general after being misled and burnt quite a few good times.

'That's nice. :) If possible, maybe you could push for my confirmation earlier.' Jason prodded. Kerry thought he was pretty much pushing his luck, 'We'll see about that, if you are really good, I don't see how that would be a problem.'

'Thanks a lot, really. I truly appreciate it. :)' Jason wrote.

Kerry said all that, because deep inside her she still had the hope that things could, and would one day return to the way they were before. Those happy times, when everything was pure bliss, despite everyone saying he wasn't the right person for her in every way. The fact that he is such a hermit, his addiction in DOTA, his apparent non-existent social life, his laziness, lack of exercise, and of course, the very malignant self-centeredness and the way he manipulates everyone to his benefit. It's always him, him, him. It's always about him. What he wants, and what he doesn't, for that matter. He wants someone who is there for him when he is lonely, but otherwise stays out of his way when he needs the space. Had she not given him enough space?

"Never love, if you're afraid of getting hurt."

Kerry firmly believed that. By retracting into his shell, rather than an act of self-preservation, it seemed that Jason was far from a fighter. He simply gives up way too easily. He shouldn't have even bothered about relationships or getting himself into one if he is afraid of getting hurt. Face it. A rose comes with thorns. You can't expect to get just the good stuff in relationships sans the bad. That was what Kerry's online personal ad was about, wasn't it? That there is always the good in the bad, and vice versa. There are no absolutes in life.

"Everytime you lose a loved one, a part of you goes and never returns."

But nobody's a saint, not even Kerry. Some of the gripes Jason had about her, blatant accusation and finger pointing besides the point, had a certain inkling of truth to them, on hindsight. If anything, at least Kerry learnt a lot more about herself and people in general from this past few months. She has since moved on to live her life again, although being in rebound, she deemed it unfair to whoever new she will meet. And so she lies low, at least for the time being.

It is just that, it's so hard for her to move on, having to see him in the office almost everyday. It didn't exactly help when he gave her little things now and then like Hershey's Kisses and mooncake fishes which he knew she so loved. Was he merely trying to get into her good books for a positive review and then a good raise? Did he still had any interest in her? Was he open to the idea that, somehow, someday in the future, when he is more emotionally and financially stable, he would want her back in his life?

These questions plagued her day after day. With no resolution nor answers, ever, Kerry guessed. Finally, she realised one day, that:

"True love is when you let go of someone you love, making peace with the fact that he'll be happier without you."

And so she started letting go, ever so unwillingly. Jason, was, nevertheless, the hardest love she had to let go of. She really did love him. She loved him hard and fast. Now it's going to be long and painful. But she knows she can make it. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not yet. Someday perhaps.

Slowly.

But surely.

[To be continued...]

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